I have just had the most wonderful couple of days away in London with my husband to celebrate our 20th Wedding Anniversary. We rode a boat along the Thames, visited the O2, went on the Emirates Airline, rode the London Eye, had dinner and watched a show at The Savoy, and went to Peggy Porschen’s and the Science Museum. It was amazing! And we have a couple of hundred photos to help remember it by.
We love London so much; it’s our all-time favourite place, and we have lost count how many times we have been there now. We had to take the wheelchair as I am using it most of the time now, but I am always really self-conscious of it so always get out of it for photos to be taken. I do it because I want to look back at those photos and see the good time we had, and me being ‘normal’. When I look back at photos I see our happy memories. Whenever I am photographed in the wheelchair, when I look at the photos all I see is the chair, and the reminder of the life I want that I don’t have any more. That is why I hate looking at photos of me in the wheelchair. I want to be able to look back on happy and positive memories. The only problem is, that when I get out of the chair for photos, the pictures give a false impression to friends and family, and those around me, of how I am coping. People look at the photos and think I am doing well (which is completely understandable). Even my mother, looking at the photos yesterday, said “did you take your wheelchair?” – as if it was optional!
I so wish I hadn’t had to take it or rely on it. I wish we hadn’t needed to take the car into central London and ask for help with bags at the hotel. I wish I hadn’t needed ramps on the riverboat, or for the London Eye and Emirates Airline to have to be stopped for me to get the wheelchair on. I wish I could have walked around, hand in hand with my husband, and for him not to have had to push me around everywhere. I wish I didn’t have this huge, debilitating, flare up when I got back home and my body can’t take any more of anything.
But, it is what it is. This is my life whether I wish it was or not. For the most part, I absolutely love my life; I just hate having to live with the hinderances of this illness. So, now I have had my cry and got that out of my system, let me return to being positive about life. All of the things that I mentioned in a negative way, are also ways in which I was blessed. Let me explain…
Last year I got my first Motability car, which is tax exempt and meant that we could drive into Central London without needing to worry about the congestion charge. We stayed at a hotel where there was a concierge service, who were only too happy to take our luggage to the room for us. The staff at the river boat and Emirates Airline were lovely and helpful. They offered me discounted tickets and made sure that I was able to get on and off comfortably and safely. I have the most wonderful husband who never complains and looks after me so well. He is happy to push me and the wheelchair doesn’t pose a problem to him. Despite the challenges this life throws me, I really am so blessed and thankful. Where can you see blessing in the challenges of life?
Until next time,
Keep Smiling on the inside!
Love, Beckey x